all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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