how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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