do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize