Don't make out with my wife yet
im about as happy as oj after his trial
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
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