I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Randomize
