okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Randomize
