I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Randomize
