i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
