My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
