he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
