My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
