remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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