Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Randomize
