eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
