Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
