Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Randomize
