Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
