Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Is it because I queefed?
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
