Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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