i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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