I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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