You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
