Screwed.edu
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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