omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
