I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
