barbara walters just said penis...
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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