i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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