My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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