In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
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