i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
