can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
