This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
