There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
you have to choose: penises or morals?
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
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