You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
you had me at cake vodka
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
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