he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
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