you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Oh god it's open bar.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
