I only kidnapped one of them. chill
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
