she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
