thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
