My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
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