I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
If i come over, it means nothing
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
