One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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