My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Randomize
