If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
