You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
