dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Randomize
