To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
