I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
