my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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