it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
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