So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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