The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
