She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
