i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
