I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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