You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize