I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I deserve this hangover.
Randomize
