my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Randomize
