You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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