She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
