That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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