I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
