there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Im just a social blackout drinker.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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