It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
she pinky promised me she was 18
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
