You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Randomize
