Will you blow on my dice?
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
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