here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
