Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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