i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
