Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
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