you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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