Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
She swung at the pinata with crutches
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Randomize
