whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
